How does this writing sound for my creative writing club? (It doesn't rhyme) It's called 'A life of roses'

Waking up with the light of the morning. I head outside, slowly approaching the garden. I look at the variety of colors around me: reds, blues, greens, browns... My gaze becomes transfixed on a single rose. Reaching down, I pluck it. As I hold it close, I see its petals are heavy with morning dew. It wets my hands, trickling down to soak my sleeve. As I examine it, a thought comes to mind. The rose is still a bud. Fresh, closed, but no longer able to grow. Those red petals look almost gloomy. If I had left the bud to grow, the result would have been magnificent. From that dark emptieness, a tumultuous surge of life would have occured. The abundance of soft petals would billow out in every direction, the rose releasing its scent, freely drawing in the light of the world. But I know that cannot happen, as I've pulled this flower out of its earth of nutrients. In this way, the rose might symbolize life. Within its glossy petals it contained the development of a precious life, ready

How does this writing sound for my creative writing club? (It doesn't rhyme) It's called 'A life of roses'
I like the imagery, but you need to eliminate a few I's
Reply:As fine as this is, you've told us perhaps a little too much. Would you consider changing "Those red petals look almost gloomy" to "The tight, red petals remind me that if the bud had been left to grow ... "

Also, do you really need all four of the last lines? They smack of overkill. Consider stopping after "cannot happen", and making a slight addition in your next finely drawn line as your summary: "releasing its scent, freely drawing in and reflecting the light and life of the world." You decide. It's your piece, after all, and you do write well.
Reply:Wow, that sounds really good. I want to read more. Good luck with the writing club!

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