Honeymoon registry? Why is this SO offensive to people?

I just don't get it. I replied to someone's question saying that she should consider a honeymoon registry and I got MAD THUMBS DOWN for suggesting it! I just read another question about the same thing and people responded SO badly.





Really, what are you supposed to do if you've combined households and have 2 of everything? First, people say that it's "inappropriate" to bring a gift to the wedding, because the bride and groom have so much going on that they'll have to arrange for how to get these things home and with whom. But then, any suggestion that is new or creative is totally offensive to people? And I don't understand the hostility either.





People make comments like, "I would be offended and wouldn't go to your wedding" or "why should I be expected to pay for your honeymoon?" I mean why are people so pissed off? Nobody is asking for their honeymoon to be paid for!! I would love to go online %26amp; buy them surfing lessons for two or fresh flowers for their room. I love it.

Honeymoon registry? Why is this SO offensive to people?
why does everyone keep saying "you cannot ask for anything" who is asking? i am always getting "what do you guys want/need?" am i not supposed to answer that????????





I have had these same concerns! Really. everyone is different I guess. I come from a family (and my friends) where gifts are GOING TO BE GIVEN, whether I want them or not, and they would all be irritated with me if I did not have some sort of registry or shared with them what we would like. It was a complete shock how people reacted on here. It is not that I EVER though people HAD to buy me something for the wedding, or pay for bits and peices of the honeymoon (we are like you), but that that is all I have ever known. I have NEVER KNOWN anyone to not have a registry, nor have i EVER known anyone to show up to a wedding without a gift, and nor have i EVER known anyone who thought it rude to buy bits and pieces of the honeymoon - actually EVERYONE i know thought this was a way fun idea! It sucks because the first time I ever asked a questions regarding that (on my other account) i felt SOOOO GUILTY that i asked it, but I have never known any different. So anyway, I know EXACTLY where you are coming from, lol. I never realized there were people who thought buying a gift for their friends/families wedding was rude and inappropriate. I guess i learned my lesson ;)
Reply:I completely agree with sparkley. A honeymoon registry is very offensive. It is very presumptious. If you want flowers for your room, buy them yourself! A honeymoon is not mandatory for any wedding and when you "register" for one it is just freakin' rude. Many people will come and give you money-you just don't ask for it.





As for having everything-that is such a load of crap. A bridal shower registry is when you can ask for quality items. Many will pull together and get you items that will last. My husband and I lived together, but after we had our shower we were able to get rid of our crappy stuff and enjoy new things that one, we picked together and two, were of very nice quality that have lasted us now ten years (and now two kids). So if you think you have everything you need to look again.
Reply:i'm totally with you on this one!!


i personally think that people should be given what they think is going to be useful - not something that is just going to be returned straight away.


i think perhaps the offense is coming in because people automatically think BIG COST when they hear something like "honeymoon registry" they freak out thinking "why should i have to fund your honeymoon" which is fair enough seeing as most people have enough money issues to worry about without joining on the bandwagon of yours.


if it were me, i would probably consider including a letter with the invite saying something like "this is our situation, we have all the house things we need, but we would like it if you could contribute to the honeymoon of our dreams!" i would stress that it is optional, and the amount is variable (maybe they can contribute to a fund rather than give a big present that may cost them $60 or whatever).


at the end of the day, if you step in their shoes for a minute how do you think it would feel? what would be running through their heads? do they have money problems? have they already been to 5 weddings this year and had to shell out huge amounts every time they go?


i think so long as they have an option, you won't have anyone saying they're going to boycott - but the million dollar question is that if they are really willing to boycott your wedding rather than sit down and have a chat with you about it in a civilised way - do you really want them sharing your special day anyway??
Reply:I have been invited to many weddings with a honeymoon registry. I'm not offended at all.
Reply:No matter what, it comes across as wanting people to pay for your honeymoon. Sure, it might actually make pretty good sense, but it just sounds like asking for handouts. Sorry, I know you mean well, but I would be a little put off by the suggestion if I was invited to a wedding -- I would rather choose how to honor the couple from my own feelings, rather than being told.
Reply:I hear what you are saying.


Honestly I think the idea is fine. Some of our wedding guests will be contributing to our honeymoon if they wish to. All our family and friends know we have been sharing a house together for over 2 years so we have most of what we need. And I know our close family and friends will love to know that their contribution will help us to have the happiest holiday of our lives.


I guess some people are just very formal about gifts etc......


Try not to let the thumbs down get to you. It's funny how sometimes you give a reasonable answer and you get thumbs down about it. If people don't agree exactly with you they think it is reason to thumbs you down.
Reply:As long as the registry info was not in the invitation (it never should be), I would not be offended by this. A lot of people already have stuff for their home, and the last thing they need is a palm-tree shaped ashtray. Americans consume a lot as it is, so if the couple says they already has a full home, I believe them. I would like to contribute to a wonderful memory they can keep forever.
Reply:To ask for guests to pay for or contribute to you honeymoon is the same thing as asking them for gifts of cash which is a great big NO NO. You do not ask you guests for anything a gift is at their descresion not your desire. If you already have everything you need and do not want any gifts, you can say that on the invitations or you can ask them to make a charitable donation in your name but you CANNOT ASK THEM TO GIVE YOU MONEY FOR ANY REASON.





No wonder you got such nasty responses. It is a cheap, tacky, insulting, greedy and inconsiderate thing to do oh yeah and it is just plain wrong. If you cannot afford a honeymoon you do not go on one until you can afford to pay for it yourself. I would not come to your wedding either if yo asked me to pay for your honeymoon. Should the guest all chip in and buy you a car and a house too? Get real, girl.
Reply:Think of it like this, most people are struggling to pay their own way in this day and age, the cost of living is expensive, I personally had not had a holiday for almost 7 years as I just could not afford to go away anywhere. I would not be happy to pay towards someone going away on an \awesome holiday while I had to stay home for almost an entire decade. I prefer to buy something for the couple that they can use in their house, so they always get store vouchers for wherever they have registered. If it was a honeymmon registry I'd buy them a store voucher anyway
Reply:Agree with you. Here (Netherlands) it is not uncommon to ask for an evelope (with money) A few of my friends did it


A wedding is a big expense and if like you you already have everything once or twice why have a registry?





I think your idea is awesome. If that is the reason people would not want to attend your weddig then in my opinion they are not real friends and not worthy of attending anyway as they clearly don't know or understand you.





I mean not going to pay for your honeymoon etc Great then you don't have to pay for their expenses attending the wedding (diner, venue drinks etc)
Reply:I just think asking people to contribute to their honeymoon is tacky. If they can't afford to go there on their own dime, then they don't belong going at all...there are plenty of affordable destinations. That's just my opinion...my fiance and I are very traditional and aren't even registering anywhere, so maybe it's just an old fashioned viewpoint. But, as tacky as it may be, nobody is forcing the guests to contribute, so there is no reason to be mad if someone does register their honeymoon...nobody is holding a gun to your head saying you have to contribute to it.
Reply:I COMPLETELY agree with you!





First of all, if I'm going to a wedding, and they don't have a registry, I give a check. If I'm going to a wedding, and forget about ordering online from their registry until the day before the wedding, I give a check. I think registries where you can purchase online and have it sent directly to their house is where it's at! What is the big deal??





I think honeymoon registries are a wonderful idea! A special addition to their honeymoon would be a wonderful way to surprise the bride and groom! I agree with every word you said, and think that the "etiquette" freaks out there need to calm down a bit.





And, on another note, if I'm expected to bring a present because they invited me to their wedding, why shouldn't they in turn tell me what they want?? That's MUCH better than them getting 15 silver frames with hearts and their names engraved, which they obviously can't return, as it has their names on it!
Reply:It's not a a bad idea at all. The bride and groom would still be paying their travel fees which can be just as expensive. I have considered doing it myself, but we have decided to stay close to home so we don't really need one. But, I don't see why it would be a big deal. Guests would be helping with little added perks like maybe a massage or a scuba lesson. It's the same as getting gifts off a registry in my opinion.
Reply:Spare any change?


Spare change....Spare change?


God Bless.





Now do you understand?
Reply:i don't see anything wrong with registering for gifts. i caution people about who and where they register with, but to each his own. but i do agree with what ben says about it.


i don't particularly like brides-to-be, and some grooms-to-be coming on here and b-i-tching when people don't buy off the registry, or someone giving a homemade gift, or if people don't spend enough on a gift to make up for their dinner, or in one case, a bride coming on yahoo asking how to make sure her guests who wouldn't give cash gifts would pay a minimum $150.oo for a gift.


so as you can see not only prospective guests can be rude, or mean, or miserable, so can the happy couple! lol


as for the thumbs down, you just get some people who take great joy in trying to ruin someone else's day! i ignore the thumbs down bit and just chalk it up to a grouch!


when you come on here and ask a bunch of strangers for advice, and they can give that advice anonymously you can be sure you will receive some really mean-spirited answers.


all i can tell you is take it all with a grain of salt! good luck and have a lovely evening.
Reply:I hope it makes you feel better to know that I agree with you. You're right, I wouldn't want my honeymoon to be paid for, but an "accessory" would be a nice touch.


My own wedding planning issue is; because we have combined households we would really like gift cards. However there is no appropriate way to tell people that either.


So, to answer your question, I don't know why people get so upset. Maybe they just don't understand the whole. Know what I mean? ie: If I tell you were going skiing for our honeymoon, maybe you could get us a gift basket that includes, coco, mugs, cookies, and candles. To use after the skiing part of the day is done, know what I mean?


So, I agree with you and I don't understand it either. =)
Reply:You know what girl, I say more power to you. If you are already providing them a nice time at your wedding, YOU are the one paying for the food and services, YOU are the one paying for them to have fun with the entertainment (music, dancing, socializing, etc.) afterwards. Basically, you're hosting a party, and if you don't necessarily need 2 of everything by getting a traditional registry, then go for the honeymoon registry.





Besides, it's not like you made that concept up yourself. It's actually there for a REASON--people use them.





My fiance and I are actually going to consider doing this too for our registry since having more clutter around the house isn't necessary. Sometimes, people end up having old wedding presents they either never open and collect dust, or they end up on eBay anyway.





Good luck to you and congratulations for having guts to go with a new idea!
Reply:i personally dont see anything wrong with having such a thing because of modern couples having all they need already. ROLL WITH THE TIMES people!! modern days mordern day weddings. this etiquette people follow it totally outdated why should you conform to it when we dont conform to any other social etiquette's anymore?


good luck on your wedding and my only advice i9s do it your way and do what makes you happy because you cant please all the people all the time
Reply:Most people had rather give a gift than a gift card or cash. And a honeymoon registry falls into the "cash" category. Call it stupid, but we act like we don't want people to know how much we spent. It's an long held etiquette issue. Soooooo.....for someone to register for a honeymoon, then it's actually appears that they couple wants donations for the honeymoon. I'm not sure what else it could come across as.





If someone already has two households worth of stuff, I'm wondering if there is a possibility of a china pattern that they would like, new towels and sheets since those are always nice to have, or something either of them doesn't have. But, everyone has a different opinion and it's not worth getting upset over. If your guests want to contribute to your honeymoon register, then that's awesome. But if they're hesitant, you might want to have another option for those people.
Reply:It's different for everyone. If you feel that YOUR family and friends will not be offended by a honeymoon registry, I'd say go for it. People on Yahoo Answers are from all over the US (and the world) so they have different traditions, beliefs, etc. What is proper in some areas is not in others and what is accepted in some areas is not in other.





I feel that my family would be offended by a honeymoon registry but they love the regular registries, because they can see their gift when they visit us.
Reply:The point in a wedding registry is for the couple to register for things they NEED in terms of household items and beginning their lives together. If the couple doesn't need any household items, they shouldn't register. Obviously, the couple doesn't NEED a honeymoon, therefore registering for their guests to contribute to one looks more like they're being cheap and asking for handouts. It's basically the same as a couple asking for cash. Just plain tacky. Honestly, I wouldn't attend a wedding where the couple asked me to help pay for a vacation that I'm not even going on.
Reply:I personally don't see the difference between registering at a store for gifts and registering at a travel agent for a honeymoon.


I am engaged and have lived with partner for 5 years, we already have everything we need - We have decided to put on a small intimate destination wedding, as our guests will be travelling to our wedding and covering the cost of their accom - we are saying 'no gifts'...


Any invitee that had a problem with your honeymoon wishing well is not worth the invite you sent them...


Cheer up - it's your wedding!!!
Reply:My step daughter set up a honeymoon registry along with a couple of other places. They lived together many years and didn't need anything for the house, so it seemed to me to be a great idea.





She is an attorney, and I imagine she got quite a variety of items for the trip. The bride %26amp; groom do not actually get the cash, they get tickets to various things in their route to do. I believe, in the end, they exchange those vouchers for cash.





This is not the same world as it was 20 or even 10 years ago -- people live together and buy many things together. I suppose you got the negative feedback because people still want traditions.





My husband and I just gave them cash -- that way no matter what they wanted they were set.





good luck -- and I do not see anything wrong with a honeymoon registry, just don't know how well it works.
Reply:I don't see anything wrong with it as the people coming to your wedding know you and know what you are like and what you have. I am doing the same sort of thing for our wedding and have found this web site which has a lot of little poems you can put with your invitation to ask your guests for this sort of thing.


http://www.salandras.com/Wishing%20Well%...