What do you think of my story so far? Do I write well?

I know that I've posted this before, but I've made a few changes to it. This is a little bit from the beginning. Any suggestions are welcome, but preferably not anything rude, just constructive criticism. Thanks!



Amber jumped, startled by a large crash. She stood up and walked to her open window. With a quick glance at her clock, she saw it was 6:45. She laid in bed a minuet, then stood up and walked to her open window. As she settled down on the window seat the smell of fresh flowers overcame her.

After taking a moment to look at the beautiful scene of flowers and bees buzzing around the newly blossomed trees, she got up and dressed. With the doorknob in her hand, her body tensed, with the feeling of being watched. She turned slowly around, then exhaled and laughed when she saw it was only a dog. Its icy blue eyes followed her every move, as if waiting for something. Finally turning the doorknob, she opened the door and walked out to the basement, heading for the stairs.

What do you think of my story so far? Do I write well?
It needs more details so that the details in there, like 'icy blue eyes', don't seem random.



Make some of your sentences longer so it doesn't seem choppy. It's like you go from one thing to the next very quickly without anything much in between.



You're good at putting in actions, and it's good to learn about a character through them, but I didn't at all. All I really know is Amber's name, and its been a few paragraphs. Add some thoughts or feeling in.
Reply:yea your a very creative writer



but i would read it tho again



make sure your not uses and all the time



and try make your sentences longs instead of just little once all the time



but apart from tht very good



how old r yhoo ?
Reply:thats actually good..i want to hear more about the first paragraph...its good.
Reply:"She stood up and walked to her open window. With a quick glance at her clock, she saw it was 6:45. She laid in bed a minuet, then stood up and walked to her open window."



You need to expand your vocabulary. You were a bit repetitive. For instance, you said "open window" twice in only a few sentences. Try using other adjectives. I like how you used a lot of details. You never need to use too many, but details are important and makes the story more alive and vivid. Also, I think you should have described the dog a little bit more, unless it really isn't relevant to your story. There are just a few tweaks you could make. But I think you have potential and should keep on writing. =)
Reply:Nice job so far with your story.

The only thing I would mention with your story is to watch repetitive phrases and check your spelling with spell check.



Have you ever heard of Associated Content? Im not sure your into writing articles but they pay everyday people like you and me to write articles and you can earn bonus money from the viewing of your articles as well.



Heres a link to my profile page on the site. Why dont you check it out and see if its something you are interested in trying? :-) I mean if you can write stories I bet you can write articles and earn a few bucks in the process as well.





http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/60...
Reply:It's a good start but I don't really see a plot at the moment. The opening paragraph is most important and usually determines whether someone will read it or not.

... How old are you? Because that usually tells us how well you are writing for your age group. Overall I think with a plot written into the beginning it could be great.

Keep up the good work, and good luck ;)



PS- If you have the time, also check out my story @ http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...