What do you think? Is it any good? Do I have any talent?

This is a tiny bit from a story I'm writing. If you want, I can post more later. Thanx!



Amber jumped, startled by a large crash. With a quick glance at her clock, she saw it was 6:45. She laid in bed a minuet, then stood up and walked to her open window. As she settled down on the window seat the smell of fresh flowers overcame her.

After taking a moment to look at the beautiful scene of flowers and bees buzzing around the newly blossomed trees, she got up and dressed. With the doorknob in her hand, her body tensed, with the feeling of being watched. She turned slowly around, then exhaled and laughed when she saw it was only a dog. Its icy blue eyes followed her every move, as if waiting for something. Finally turning the doorknob, she opened the door and walked out to the basement, heading for the stairs.

Ounce upstairs, she walked into the empty kitchen, poured herself a large glass of orange juice and put a piece of bread in the toaster. A breeze tipped with dew blew into the

What do you think? Is it any good? Do I have any talent?
Very good beginning!
Reply:It's all over the place. Why did she hear a large crash? Why are you going into suspense?

Your work sounds like you're narrating this girls life... I don't need to know all this... she could smell the flowers... super? The trees are newly blossomed... that's.... great.



Sum up the uneccessary details, and add something that catches the readers attention.
Reply:its fine but i really dont know anything yet...you should have posted more so we could begin seeing the story form...right now this is not a story its just some descriptive sentences. but the detail is nice, but some is a bit unneccesary. be careful w/that because if you try that throughout the whole story it will be boring. people lose interest.
Reply:its interesting.

it drags on though a bit.....you need more descrpitive words and metaphors. we dont even know what she looks like. it was really hard to picture in my mind what was going on. its alright. not great but alright.
Reply:i think you've got talent. you're really good at descriptive writing, but it's a little weird how it goes from like a suspenseful crash to a normal breakfast. but you're good