The apple is like a hot tamale,
It's color a deep crimson.
An orange is like a blossoming flower,
It's color fresh bright orange.
The apple is like a rock,
Not very fragile when peeled.
The orange is like a piece of glass,
Can become broken and ruined easily when peeled.
An apple is like a tree during fall,
It has many different colors.
The orange is like a tree during spring,
fresh and one bright color.
Apples and Oranges have
more differences than it may seem.
Can you edit my poem? Like, stronger words, and cut some words out (is,the,an,ect)?
Dear friend
Though I can appreciate your poem, there are some conflicting descriptions. A Tamale is not the deep crimson which you say the apple is.
You are using the Orange also as its own color, when you could have perhaps used the sun as the example; oranges are not always orange.
The apple when peeled can become very fragile, and will not stay rock hard. The rock can be chipped when dropped, as can the apple be bruised.
"When peeled" is used twice in three lines.
Your last six lines are not to bad.
"The orange is like a piece of mosaic glass
Each segment fitting perfectly to make up the whole"
You need to think yourself into your piece of poetry, and ask yourself, is this really what I want to say, do things fit perfectly, is this how things really are.
My deepest respect for you,
Robert
Reply:Its beautiful!!!!!!!
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